Trust and Obey

Tonight, as I was completing my women’s Sunday school lesson, I was reminded of a time when God had given me specific instructions (that was one of the questions in the study). At the time, it seemed like such an odd and insignificant instruction, but I listened to God’s voice and did as I felt He had asked me.

I was living and working in Japan, teaching English as a second language at three junior high schools and in private lessons. During my time at one particular school, I was conducting ‘eikaiwa’ (oral English conversation ‘tests’) to help students better their speaking and listening skills. I would meet one-on-one with a student in the hallway and we would have a conversation in which I would ask three of several questions in a question bank. Students needed to be prepared to answer all of them, but would not know which of the questions I would choose to ask. I took notes and then graded their oral communication skills on a sheet of paper. I would then return the paper to the students once I had recorded their grade.

I had the papers ready to return to the students when I was pulled aside and told that there had been an ‘accident’ and one of the students I had spoken to the week before had died. I found his interview paper and reread it and recalled our conversation. I was going to toss the paper out, thinking that it was no longer important in the light of his death, but for some reason God impressed upon me to keep it. Even though I did not understand why God would ask me to do such a thing, I held onto the paper and eventually forgot about it.

One day, several months later, I was at the Board of Education and started talking with a lady I didn’t really know. In the course of our conversation I learned that she had a son who had attended one of the schools I taught at, and she told me how much he had enjoyed English. I’m not even sure how it came to this, but she revealed to me that her son had died and that piece of paper I had held onto came to mind and I told her about the conversation I’d had with her son and that I still had the notes I’d taken. I asked if she wanted to have it and, with tears in her eyes, she said, “Yes.”

This single act of obedience on my part opened up a simple conversation about God (how I felt that it was He who told me to keep the paper) and brought a grieving woman a small amount of closure. Reading what he’d said and how he’d done, even though it was not the highest score, brought a smile to her face as she remembered her son as he was.

I’d done nothing more than keep a single sheet of paper with some notes written on it and God worked a miracle of blessing through it. Not only was this boy’s mother blessed, but I was as well. It is an amazing thing to trust God in what He has to say, even when it doesn’t seem to make any sense whatsoever. He works amazing things through the seemingly mundane and ‘crazy’ things he impresses upon us to do.

We are called to listen to God and obey His commandments. He speaks to us, even today, and asks us simply to obey. It may seem a small thing to us, but God can take even the small things and use them for His glory.

One of my favorite Bible passages is Proverbs three verses five and six:

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Had I leaned on my own understanding that day so many years ago, I would have thrown out that paper. That boy’s mother and I would never have been blessed. She would not have received that precious memento of her son. I would not have been utilized by God to fulfill His will in that particular manner. I would have missed out on an amazing experience.

When I sense God is asking me to do something which seems to be utterly ridiculous or just plain odd, I strive to be obedient and do it because I never know what the end result may be and how much of a blessing it could be to others.

As I write this, I am reminded of these words: “Trust and obey for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey…” from the traditional hymn penned by John H. Sammis in 1887. It was inspired by the testimony of a new Christian to the faith who’d ended his impromptu speech at a Dwight L. Moody meeting with the thought that, though he did not quite know what would be required of him, he would trust and obey.

It is amazing what God can do when we stop and take the time to listen and then obey what He says no matter how small or insignificant it may seem.

Beauty

During Sunday school this morning, I noticed something that perhaps was a bit off-task for me to really be thinking about and yet, it was where God seemed to guide my thinking. I was new to this particular study, having joined at the seventh week due to a number of absences from church for the past several months and having just seen the flyer last week, but I was encouraged to join and given a copy of the book the other ladies had been going through about being vessels of God. I felt a bit out of place and uncomfortable surrounded by a group of women who had been attending the study for the past seven weeks and yet, they were welcoming.

The thing which struck me about each and every one of these women, and perhaps here I was a bit off-task in my thinking, was that they had taken the time to make sure that they looked good. They had done their hair. Some had coifed their hair, and others wore simple braids. They wore dresses or nice slacks and lovely blouses. Each one had taken the time to look good. I had not.

Lately, that has been the case for me in every aspect of my life; I do not take the time to look good whether it be at work, at home, running errands, or going to church. I get up, shower and dress and do not give a backward glance to the mirror save to comb my hair into place. I’ve even gone so far as to choose a haircut which allows for my hair to air dry rather nicely so that I do not need to put any effort into it on a daily basis other than perhaps to pat it down or tuck it behind my ears.

I didn’t used to be this way. I used to put on makeup daily, take time to do my hair by curling it and styling it, and make sure that my outfit matched (at least to my sensibility of matching which allows for some variance thereof). I gained weight and, while I used to exercise, I don’t anymore.

I used to take, at least some, pride in what I looked like to the rest of the world and tried to look good. Now, I don’t, and I haven’t for a long while. I’ve bought into the lie that it doesn’t matter what I look like because, no matter what I do, I won’t be able to look good. I’m fat and that is what has defined me for a long time now.

I’m not sure when or even why this change in outlook took place. When was the first time I got out of bed and thought to myself that I needn’t bother? What was the impetus behind this shift from caring to not caring at all? How did I go from applying makeup daily to merely washing my face? Was it a gradual descent or an abrupt transition from taking care of my body to letting it go completely?

Not only have I neglected to take care of my outward appearance, but I have also neglected the inward workings as well. That too happened just as gradually. My quiet times with God waned and my commitment to attending worship services diminished. I’ve lost the desire and ability to fellowship and have contended with guilt and sin for quite a while on my own. I find myself in a seemingly endless rut with no idea of how I’ll be able to get out of it.

My life, inside and out, has become lackluster and I lack the inner confidence necessary to combat this unhappy state of being. Did it start with letting go of the physical and traverse into the spiritual? Is there some truth to the idea that making oneself look good on the outside will aid in helping one to feel good about themself on the inside?

The Bible passage which brought on all of this contemplation? I wonder if anyone would be able to guess.

It is first Peter, chapter three, verses three through four:

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

It almost seems to be suggesting the opposite of what I felt God was communicating to me today, and yet I feel as though there is something parallel to what I am beginning to understand through God’s gentle guidance and longsuffering forbearance of a great deal many years. God loves me and provides for me and, though I am not supposed to think only of making myself look good on the outside alone, to the detriment of my soul, it is not something to be neglected in its entirety. He is not telling me that I should not care about what I look like, but rather that my true beauty should not be measured by that alone.

I needn’t neglect putting my best face forward or taking care of the body God has given me. Were I to do that, I would be misunderstanding His word completely and allowing a lie (that I am not worthy and am unlovable – a constant struggle for me since I was a young child) dictate how I conduct my life. God has not asked me to go out into the world looking dowdy or as though I’ve just stepped out of a wind tunnel. As a matter-of-fact, I believe that He would rather that I do something to take care of that which He has given me, a body that He delights in.

Where do I go from here? Do I get up early tomorrow morning so that I have time to apply makeup and fashion my hair? Or do I start working on what I’ve been neglecting on the inside and seek God afresh, asking His forgiveness for my long absence and cool avoidance? Or perhaps I simply work on a little of both?

I did not get into this deplorable state in a single day; it was an evolution which took time and I suppose that, as many people have said time and time again, change like this cannot take place over night. God revealed this to me now, today, surely He will guide me in the rest as I look to and wait upon Him.

Like a Lamb

This poem came to me toward the end of the sermon at Mililani's Trinity Church today and I scribbled it down on the edge of our sermon notes before transferring it to my handy notebook.

May it be a blessing.

Scripture: Matthew 20:17-19 17Now as Jesus was going up to Jerusalem, he took the twelve disciples aside and said to them, 18"We are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death 19and will turn him over to the Gentiles to be mocked and flogged and crucified. On the third day he will be raised to life!"

Like a Lamb
He took up the cross
and chose to die
for freedom’s sake,
for you and I,
to save us from our
daily sins,
the victory over death
for us to win.

God's Thoughts

"How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you."

- Psalm 139:17,18

Does God really think of me that often?

I am picturing the beach right now - all of those infinitesimal grains of sand - and yet, God's thoughts about me, His precious thoughts about me, outnumber, not only those 'few' grains of sand, but all of the grains of sand which cover the entirety of the earth. How utterly and wonderfully amazing and flabbergasting a concept is that?

God, who rules the universe, thinks about me and not just some of the time, but enough so that His thoughts about me, outnumber the very grains of sand upon the earth. What an amazing God we serve, who so loves us.